Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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