Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
