i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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