that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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