I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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