he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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