fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
