she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
handjob tips. give me some.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
