Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
