Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
