im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
