No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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