Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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