we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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