I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
