she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize