I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
