some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
