Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
