then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize