Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
bring money and cleavage
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
is it fun? or sober?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
