So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Text me some of your sweat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
