Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
