I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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