that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
