You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
