I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nutella sex= disaster
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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