She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize