dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
