just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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