i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
