i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
