I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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