ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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