You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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