Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
