Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
