So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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