i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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