Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
