is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
