I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
