I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
