11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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