if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
