Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
