I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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