Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
