Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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