I bet he comes in French.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
