Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
