Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
