How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize