Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
