I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
