I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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