Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
