My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
