Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
