You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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