I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
