Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize