Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
