whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize