I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
