Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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