dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
