His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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