My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
