Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
