I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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