I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
do nipples grow back?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
