honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
