C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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