Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
