I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
