I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
