$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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