she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
