Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
