our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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