did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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