i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
