Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
