We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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