just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
