i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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