Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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