it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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