I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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