i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are the jesus of drinking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize