She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
