someone threw a dead crab at me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
