We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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