I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
