This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
