what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
