i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
