you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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