I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize