Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
