Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
