Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
smell my finger.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
