why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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