You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
