I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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