The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
