how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
