I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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