My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
