dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
