you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
