I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
