Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
